It's still all about INTIMACY

You'll probably be sick of me talking about intimacy with Christ but here it comes again. I can't move past this place...and when I do I get lost.

Since getting home I've learnt so much, many things have changed, and I have new questions every week - but in it all God has pointed me again and again towards getting to know Him deeper. He's uncovered so many areas where I still need to stand firm in Him in and allow Him to be my delight and not just His blessings. Since getting back from Bangladesh, I've been so aware of how incredibly safe and comfortable my life really is - I have a great family, great friends, never really had to deal with grief, and have always been comfortable and looked after, with many opportunities ahead of me. Wow, isn't it easy to love God in all of that?! Yep, it's not a struggle to be thankful. But the truth is that He alone is so much greater than all these blessings...if I lost all of these but still had a relationship with Jesus then that is enough to find my delight in! Am I there though? Is He alone enough for me or am I falling in love with His blessings?

While thinking about my life and where God might lead me, I'm becoming increasingly assured that it will not be Scotland and that it probably won't involve luxury. (Many confirmations and words of knowledge have led to this but mainly just a sense of knowing and heart for those (especially children) who suffer daily). If He is to take me away from the comforts I know, and too often see as entitlements, and plant me somewhere new then I fear that if I am not satisfied in Him then it won't take much to shake me. From reading through Psalms it's amazing reading over and over about David's struggles and times of complete loss and yet hearing Him cry out to God again and putting all of his treasure in the Lord alone. God certainly didn't promise riches on this earth - but ultimate riches that can out-shine every loss on earth. I want to be a person who puts all my treasure in the Lord, but it's so hard to when I love God in the context of a really nice cushty life in the westend of Glasgow. I don't want to love God for only what I can get FROM Him but for what I can get IN Him. How can I witness to someone who has had real losses in life if I am still talking about the God who gives me good things and has blessed me with a lovely life?! Surely that's a massive understatement and limitation of God's true goodness...the goodness, and peace, and joys, and comforts can be found IN Him and hope in Him regardless of tangible blessings that we like to see. HE is enough. Man, I want to know this more. I feel so challenged when I hear from testimonies of people who really had nothing then found God and saw that relationship with Him was enough and find such joy in Him against all their persecution and loss. I am certainly not asking for grief, but it is not rare in life, and I hope I will know God personally enough that He does not change (in my perception) when my circumstances change. I don't want to learn this too late. Thank God He is so much more than enough!!

How can I know Him personally? By searching out and spending time in His presence. That alone noone can take from me and that alone is enough. I know that when I truely come to Him and experience His closeness but too often it takes a lot for me to really come to Him. When I start to idolise anything that is not His presence, I am always questioning why I am not fulfilled. It's been so humbling but amazing to learn over and over and over that my satisfaction really only is in meeting Him. Evangelising the whole world doesn't offer any fulfillment if I don't feel Him. Day by day it gets harder to come to Him and not let it become a task focused routine but He's still exciting every morning so I don't want to miss that by 'doing' my focused times with Him. Please pray 1st that my daily times of intimacy with God will increase in life-givingness(?) and that I'll really prioritise and desire these times as I wake.

So that's been a big summary of what God's been teaching me for the last few months.

Oh man, this song by The Sing Team explains so much better what we should aspire to through suffering or anything. "LET MY LOSSES SHOW ME ALL I TRUELY HAVE IS YOU"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7O7LQpQaoc

I had so much more I meant to say again but got lost in this. Next, I'll tell you all about how Navs life this far is going....

Rosh x

Connecting it up in Glasgow!...back to Navs :)

Wow, I've really taken my time with any updates about working with Navs...apologies! It's been a wonderful time though. There's much to say!

It's been pretty busy, lots of coffees, Jesus chats, training, weekends away...and not much time for blogging....or my mind has just turned to smoosh by the end of the day.

I would love to give a nice wee summary of what it is that I do with Connect but it's really hard to pin it down! If you haven't already heard, Navs is a discipleship minstry for university/college students, and I'm doing the 1 year internship with Glasgow Navs called Connect which involves getting alongside the girls and walking with them towards Christ! We have our weekly group bible study/dinner and then we will normally meet to hang out in pairs throughout the week. It's a massive honor to have a job where I am encouraged and supported to talk with people about God and see how we can go deeper in relationship with Him. It's definately not a one-sided support, I probably get at least as much encouragement from the girls as they do from me. As well as personal discipleship, the year includes overseeing and organising the Navs events throughout the year, like weekends away, the prayer meetings, worship times, and the Carol Service (coming up on Tues 11th Dec @ St Silas, 7.30pm. DON'T MISS IT). Me and Suzie (my fellow Connect one-er) also have a number of book studies throughout the year, a presentation, and a number of additional bible studies to go over as well as our weekly one with our Navs group. I never realised how much we would be poured into this year so the emphasis others have taken on building us up has been a total blessing!

I should probably tell you why I signed up for Connect in the first place:
Well a year and half ago I had just graduated and was praying about what to do next since I had just come to God and wanted to jump right in. I really felt like God said to apply for Connect that year and so I did after I was encouraged to by leaders. I went through all the application process and interview to be told that I wouldn't be taken on because I was such a new Christian. I was devastated since I was sure God has said and I thought I mustn't be able to hear from God (keep reading...it makes sense later). So then came YWAM and I am certain this was God's plan for me instead. I had always thought that Connect would be the obvious plan for after YWAM and thought it'd be nice to be in Glasgow again for atleast another year, knowing that I didn't feel called here long term. However, in the 2nd week of YWAM I was in prayer and felt like God said "You know how you're thinking of doing Connect...did I say that or was that you?" and I knew that I had decided on that as a nice next choice as opposed to asking God. Then He said "What if I wanted you to leave your nice family, mum, church and friends and start you life of 'mission' now and stay on outreach or wherever in the world I might want you. Are you ready to go?" Then I realised how I had always invisioned the mission for the future when I'm ready, and saw how tightly I was holding on to these great blessings God had given me but letting them restrict how/where He wants to use me. So with many tears I prayed and handed these things back to God, knowing that He is trustworthy and only life surrendered with Him is at its fullest. I then spent the next 2 weeks anticipating that anyday He might tell me where He wants me to go and that it probably won't be anywhere near home. Then in worship one morning He said 'I needed you to give up all those things you were holding onto, but I want you to do Connect. Now it's my terms, not yours'. I was so confident that this was God but asked for a confirmation anyway since they're fun to have! - And got back to the base straight from worship, opened my email, and sitting there was 1 new mail saying 'You can now apply to Connect'. My first email from Navs in like 3 months! Confirmation, check! And since I was away in Bangladesh and only able to do the online application, it turned out that since I had had the interview and leadership training during last years application process they had more to go on...so I did hear Him right the year before! I know now how essential it was that God took it away and then gave it back in a new light...since my idea of Connect before was staying home and soaking it up before life of mission truely starts, but since I have given up home as entitilement to God, I now see this year that mission starts here, not far off in the future when I'm 'ready' - whatever that is?
....Hope that story made sense!

All I need to ask now when I experience a struggle with my purpose/effectiveness in Navs is ask 'Did God call me here?' and since I have a clear 'Yes', it's so easy to trust in Him this year that this is exactly where He wants me to be, therefore the most effective place I can be - in His will!

Oh and the team is amazing! Me and Suzie (the other Connect 1-er, front row 2nd from left) have really similiar passions and visions for this year, and get along super well! And it's been pretty amazing working with Sam too, since his passions for prayer and seeing God glorified have always encouraged me from day 1. He's challenged me to not lose my focus in all the details + busyness but to pursue intimacy with God. Here's the team for this year :) Great bunch:

That's enough for one blog. Have lots more to say so will try get it up asap.

Thanks for listening!

Rosh x